my[bestest] homie{i have like 4 of those} had a bbq this past weekend. cause his brother jus got out..
went super digital; dolby as a matter of fact
however...
i def. seen 3 trades i use to associate myself with on a more than friend type level at one time or another
idk blew my mind. straight up.
this led to my baby epiphany from the other post.
1.i have never in my lifeee had this type of moment. when niggas i kno or knew [ha] in some way knew each other.. and are friends smh.
obvious bad call on my part
2. honestly i love 1 of them. --- [diff post smh]
3. how tha fuckkk is THIS GONNA GO.
2 of them i havent seen since my first year of college.. and tha other one. is my TREE MAN. and when i mean tree i mean REEFER. so you kno i see him more often than NOT.
anyways.. i walked in.. and my homie whos bbq it was came and gaveee me a huge hug like
--him "I KNOW. crazy aint it." refering to the crowd and former trades.
but his whole family loves me so it def set tha mood. nobody was on that BULLshit. BUT
A WHOLE KEG later... and 4 huge empty liquor bottles 2 brown 2 white.
-- yes i mixed! i kno i kno. cardinal drinkin sin. but whadeva.
massive amounts of tree anddddd more and more tree.
im sitting with the boy i ♥ afta a whole day of "eye talk" .
we hug, lips brush collar bones then pheromones fuckd me up. smiple
oh mayb tha liquor too.. but i def wasnt anytypes of shy.. and i def told him i wanted to taste his lips.
ohh liquor.
straight puttin me on frontstreet.
cause my comment wasnt quiet.
he smiled; not that silly bitch.. you cant get me smirk but that.. haha if you only knew type smile.
because I DO KNO. and he sure does too. those are kisses s.m.h. that with only 20 years under my belt and likee mayb 6 0r 7 where i really had niggas wit they lips full frontal on mine and vice versa. actual spit bein swapped. where i say i actually went weak .
which made it worse.
.. between me and dude.
theres a feelin i have that i cant put in a category. its likeee mystery andd lust anddd our soulsss anddd chemistry anddd love potionss and all the shit that comes between two people that is supposed to explain the spectacular,extravagant etc etc.
idk ima pisces. mayb this is ALL some extremely fabricatedd idealization of a coulda been from once upon a time when a girl and a boy fell in love even tho they knew it couldnt be.
eitha way. i miss him.
crushed
by the rejection from the object of my lust,
forbidden attractions; 'cause i realize now, that since i cant have you
i never should have let you touch me
i n t i m a t e l y
because thats when you had me. at first glance.
BUT im outta my zone,
im speaking too gentle in tryin to convey this message
tryna make you see what i speak.
even if im speakin another language the heart never lies.
with your hand on my chest, baby, you can feel it.
though at times, im ashamed of my feelings for you
but to be honest, im honestly not sure if im HONESTLY willing to try and fight them.
and if i DO and i leave.. please believe we've collected enough memories to resurrect me.
such chemistry.
got conversations to fill tomorrows.
countless rhymes countless times.. ive counted the times and counted the nights ive written for you.
ive become such a seriously lyrically in tune pen and pad writer
endless cyphers--
scriptin words i would never express freely
u seem to be the only one who can comprehend me
my hearts been searchin for a companion endlessly
not jus somebody i could fuck wit'
someone i feel i shoulda grew up wit'
fuck it
strong connections -- we seem to be on the same level.
except.. im eagarly theivin, scheming
with dreams of leavin these thoughts of things that ive seen and dreamed of you behind.
its best to not rush things
its best to wait and leave this hopeful state of mind
and maybe by fate these memories will decline
though i cant think beyond the fading taste of your soft lips...
im caught at a crossroads everytime we kiss
tryna figure which place is best beset upon me
with you im never lonely-- never in my everyday unconciousness
my mind is made up. its unquestionable. undisputed.
i have this underlying agression to make you and me, an us.
even if its only temporary
still its scary to make a sacrifice on obvious sensuality
yet my simple practicallity is
-- i want you, crave you, require you on a basis almost daily.
mayb its crazy , the fynest art wouldnt embody , && i would never let it be.
a copy? theres no need to portray this love on a tapestry;
i see nothing.
when i sense this much, my memory isnt of pictures .. its a feeling.
some shit i wrote circa.. 05?? idk where these feelings came from then
but they still seem to be relevant... && i had swore to put something up so there.
i did it. my disabled craft. lol
now im late.. whoops. pce
