get it till the end.

tired.

of everything but i aint gon get into that.

work today. new job ... the GAP. ha dont laugh.

( que SPACESHIPS- KANYE WEST ft GLC & CONSEQUENCE)

anyways.. it was a trip.

been a min since I been workin for a place like that. smh.

them folks is decent. gotta feelin they hella wack tho.

so i dont even talk

i jus work smile work.

PAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUSSSSEEEEEE.

fold. work. smliee hella fuckin much..etc repeat.

the money straight.

so im fuckin wit it anyways.

tomorrow is another day tho.

fuck i got homework... that i just remembered. womp

.... bout to do that shit.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK !!!!

10:41

im gettin sleepy.

homework done

i have two clues; ones for you.

i cant placate ya problems.

idk what is going on.

smh

feeling like.

people expecting me to be the answer??

but we on two diff. questions... smh.

u jus complicating my shit.

im tryna get the fuck up outta here.

gawd !! where ima go

... cali.

that was too easy.

but honestly.

im jus throwd.

i cant be what you want me to be.

ta deaf brah.

its jus like ima only do me. && when people try to make me apart of something that i didnt have input on its like damn. --- breathheeeeeeee. lemme get my space.

cause i LOVE MY SPACE.

boy said he like me... so do 6 others.

he say he serious. i told em they are too.

he want me. i dont wanna be had.

so im solo. then niggas get madd??

i cant make it work.. if you cant let me do me on my own time.

i cant make it work.. if you dogging my lifestyle. and constantly putting me down??

lol idk even kno why i cranked this list..

i cant make it work.

cause you dont kno me.

&& i aint tryna kno all of you.

this nigga told me he had a curse. we stopped talkin like 2 months after that. cause he jus believed the negative to his heart. and i couldnt handle it. then it made me hate em.. but i really still care. smh.

i feel like i caught the curse.

:O

pre-blog update/ love song

its ridiculous how everytime i blog there is always a significant change from the last one.

not that i didnt expect life to do as it does. but FUCK.

theres no consistency in my life.

at least not where i want it..

-- still miss solo. all day. every fuckin day.

cant trust em .. EVER. damn shame.

real blog next time.. too busy rollin up..

BUT.

this song says it all for now.

the charismatic character formally known as miss SOLO.

the days are melting together.

.. idk what i been doing.

too much.

not enough.

i need a schedule. a definite set time that i do certain things. [mental note]

feelin like taylor swift. and the world is kanye LOL.

pity moment.

smh

gotta stop playin tha sucka.

fuck all that tho.

i been on dates.

lol ahh?? solo? really?

and chea.. ithink they officially fit into that category.

i kinda like dude. we vibe. . .. nothing life changin. ---yet.

jus good times to say the least. im smitten.

feels good to go out. have a lil genuine attention... anyways.

its gettin cold.. i want somebody to lay next to. :)

i keep liking these people. and schedules and jus life situations make gettin togetha difficult.

which leads me to believe GOD tellin me to focus on somethin else.

so i focus on something else.

i digress.

boosie going to jail. 2 year stunt. drug and weapon possession. still tryna figure out how tip only got a year??? hmmmmzzzz. real nigga shit. somebody make it add up. cause i refuse to believe the hate but its the only thing that make sense.

nicki minaj actually got real grown n sexy pics out. not the wordup mag lookin ones.

she def. practiced wha she preachd.

and stepped tha pussy up.

i thought i was gon be mad BUT

big ups.

fuck tha haters.

BAD BITCH--------------->>

i been crankin tha gym. pics soon of tha abs. soo fye. soo official. if i do say so myself.

i been on this super underground oldie kick. & young wayne.

tryna findd random ish... circa 60-69 and really listening to wayne again. IAMAFAN.

--- also workin on me something vicious.

my dude chicago told me: YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOO.

shit blew my mind.

i honestly never jus sat there and said that too myself.

on the comeback. fuck wit me. im headed to the top.

no stixx no stems no seeds

life is exactly what you make it. i thank god everyday for that. cause lately i been keepin my head hella high.. takin blows like a G. my heart aint as heavy. i thank god for that everyday.. now im jus tryna find my exact purpose. Trying to blossom into a lady LOL.. key word is trying. anyways.

new job on deck.. aint smokedd in a few days. my body feels. LIGHT. lol andd i dont ever blame tha mary jane. but mary jane im doin great without you. ill never sway completely. always my main bitch. but still.. my vision stupid clear.

i been hittin tha gym.. LOL tryna get my body super right.

i want a butt LIFT! ahhh lol. or jus an ass. smh.

my abs gettin stupid. cant wait till my birthday... 5 months 4 days.

:)

ughh i got a thang for this boy.. but arent we some dreamers.. lol

its like im fallin for myself cause he say everything i think. smh. which explains too much.

might be a short livedd situation.. STILL its a beautiful thing.

im all about havin my own personal world wit somebody.. even if it cant be forever.

i miss good music.

love life.

???

feelin judged.. but what else is new. [insert jesus metaphor]
.. im mad that im irkd by my friends.

happy that im mature enough to understand it.


new job starts oct 12th. real excited.. less than a month to go.

FAITH without WORK is DEAD.



amen

these hoes aint got no manners

YAO! check this shit. last night while gettin faded.. its like me.. tha jamaican.. my wyte boi.. and they random homegirl. smh. we stupid drunk.. shots UP & smokin L afta L afta L afta L... im straight coolin out. these otha muthafuckas on shit you posed to get a prescription for [stupid yops n pillz] wayy b4 i even got to the party && this girl gon ask my wyte boi if i was on meth or ice..???

:| -- tha dead face.

look how im lookin at you bitch

WHERE THA FUCK THEY DO THAT AT??

and of course right afterrr he tells me she said that.

everything chick do. is annoying to me

cause she aint come ask. && she start treatin me like

im super throwddd andd unstable.

--- we were all on the couch watchn man vs food. ** get on it food network be bunkin **

and she steady staring at the side of my face. umm stop???

and all im thinkin is crrazy medicated bitch. ugh. i wont let you ruin this high for me.

ha. i need to stop smoking.

i also need to stay outta jail.

hmmz ::

im workin on tha second one first.

ohh and i heardd some ol hella fyee quote.. but i forgot it. womp.

re realizations

ahhh to much shit goin on today-- womp womp.

but last night. lets jus say i had an epiphany. [baow]

anyways. idk. im past all that friend shit i was talkin bout two blogs ago.

like i had said b4 the actual post commenced.

THE CURSE OF EVE was on my uterus.. forcinggg hella mixed emotionsss anddd pissed off -ish ness.. lol

[dont fight my words or their endings] lol

but still

LAST NIGHT.

whilst chillin wit some homies, havin a session. we were talkin about.. idk what ever it was and during a part of it.. we had one of those moments where somebody says sooomee shit completely unrelatable andd they end there sentences and shit wit words like "ya kno"

and everybody looks around with tha shifty eye like.. DA FUCK YOU TALKIN BOUT BITCH???

then we commence to trip outt fa like 10 mins cause u obviously aint on tha same shit we on.

well fuck.

last night it was me. smh SMDH really.??!!! now i kno im slippin.

&& after i said whadeva it was i said.. i couldnt do shit but REFLECT.

like WHAT THA FUCK HAVE I BECOME. or ALLOWD MYSELF TO BECOME.???

fucckkk wha chu hearddd... miss solo still so official.

-- jus misguided??

like i had a pathhh... that leads through woods andd over mountains and blah blah anddd i peeped tha lights through tha trees and straight BUCKED on tha road. ..

it was enevitable.

at least i think.

idk.

i kno everybody talks about.. "IM SUCH A FREE SPIRIT AND BLAH BLAH but thats reallyme.

im at home on the road.. and bein lockdup or confined orrr immobile. kills me.

[insert smiley with death face]

but chea! basically this misguided methaphor of tha situation yesterday basically means

i feel like.. i took myself for granted tryna see wha all tha world has to offer.

does that make sense??

has to. cause i jus made sense out of it.

idk i jumped on the bandwagon fast.. not in a ol smut type sense but on some otha shit.

&& now, now that im old enought to DO what the fuck i want, LEGALLY.. besides drink.

[but really WHAT LAWS?? lol i mean chea. laws exist. im not completelly lost in tha facids of my mind]

but gawddd

---- back to tha point LOL.

now that im old enough to dooo shit. it seems trivial. at best. andd thenn i feel left behind in other shit. and yea yea. u shouldnt compare your life to others

i honestly dont condone it.

however I feel that I havent lived to my fullest potential. and that shit hurts.

[vicious cycle]

but i think i have a plan.

bittersweet... you gonna be the death of me

my[bestest] homie{i have like 4 of those} had a bbq this past weekend. cause his brother jus got out..

went super digital; dolby as a matter of fact

however...

i def. seen 3 trades i use to associate myself with on a more than friend type level at one time or another

idk blew my mind. straight up.

this led to my baby epiphany from the other post.

1.i have never in my lifeee had this type of moment. when niggas i kno or knew [ha] in some way knew each other.. and are friends smh.

obvious bad call on my part

2. honestly i love 1 of them. --- [diff post smh]

3. how tha fuckkk is THIS GONNA GO.

2 of them i havent seen since my first year of college.. and tha other one. is my TREE MAN. and when i mean tree i mean REEFER. so you kno i see him more often than NOT.

anyways.. i walked in.. and my homie whos bbq it was came and gaveee me a huge hug like

--him "I KNOW. crazy aint it." refering to the crowd and former trades.

but his whole family loves me so it def set tha mood. nobody was on that BULLshit. BUT

A WHOLE KEG later... and 4 huge empty liquor bottles 2 brown 2 white.

-- yes i mixed! i kno i kno. cardinal drinkin sin. but whadeva.

massive amounts of tree anddddd more and more tree.

im sitting with the boy i ♥ afta a whole day of "eye talk" .

we hug, lips brush collar bones then pheromones fuckd me up. smiple

oh mayb tha liquor too.. but i def wasnt anytypes of shy.. and i def told him i wanted to taste his lips.

ohh liquor.

straight puttin me on frontstreet.

cause my comment wasnt quiet.

he smiled; not that silly bitch.. you cant get me smirk but that.. haha if you only knew type smile.

because I DO KNO. and he sure does too. those are kisses s.m.h. that with only 20 years under my belt and likee mayb 6 0r 7 where i really had niggas wit they lips full frontal on mine and vice versa. actual spit bein swapped. where i say i actually went weak .

which made it worse.

.. between me and dude.

theres a feelin i have that i cant put in a category. its likeee mystery andd lust anddd our soulsss anddd chemistry anddd love potionss and all the shit that comes between two people that is supposed to explain the spectacular,extravagant etc etc.

idk ima pisces. mayb this is ALL some extremely fabricatedd idealization of a coulda been from once upon a time when a girl and a boy fell in love even tho they knew it couldnt be.

eitha way. i miss him.

crushed

by the rejection from the object of my lust,

forbidden attractions; 'cause i realize now, that since i cant have you

i never should have let you touch me

i n t i m a t e l y

because thats when you had me. at first glance.

BUT im outta my zone,

im speaking too gentle in tryin to convey this message

tryna make you see what i speak.

even if im speakin another language the heart never lies.

with your hand on my chest, baby, you can feel it.

though at times, im ashamed of my feelings for you

but to be honest, im honestly not sure if im HONESTLY willing to try and fight them.

and if i DO and i leave.. please believe we've collected enough memories to resurrect me.

such chemistry.

got conversations to fill tomorrows.

countless rhymes countless times.. ive counted the times and counted the nights ive written for you.

ive become such a seriously lyrically in tune pen and pad writer

endless cyphers--

scriptin words i would never express freely

u seem to be the only one who can comprehend me

my hearts been searchin for a companion endlessly

not jus somebody i could fuck wit'

someone i feel i shoulda grew up wit'

fuck it

strong connections -- we seem to be on the same level.

except.. im eagarly theivin, scheming

with dreams of leavin these thoughts of things that ive seen and dreamed of you behind.

its best to not rush things

its best to wait and leave this hopeful state of mind

and maybe by fate these memories will decline

though i cant think beyond the fading taste of your soft lips...

im caught at a crossroads everytime we kiss

tryna figure which place is best beset upon me

with you im never lonely-- never in my everyday unconciousness

my mind is made up. its unquestionable. undisputed.

i have this underlying agression to make you and me, an us.

even if its only temporary

still its scary to make a sacrifice on obvious sensuality

yet my simple practicallity is

-- i want you, crave you, require you on a basis almost daily.

mayb its crazy , the fynest art wouldnt embody , && i would never let it be.

a copy? theres no need to portray this love on a tapestry;

i see nothing.

when i sense this much, my memory isnt of pictures .. its a feeling.

some shit i wrote circa.. 05?? idk where these feelings came from then

but they still seem to be relevant... && i had swore to put something up so there.

i did it. my disabled craft. lol

now im late.. whoops. pce

thinkin to fuckin much

in my room.. super posted.

1. purp? -- check!
2. smartwater -- check!
3. the cruse of EVE on my uterus -- check!!
   

[ jus tryna get yall in my mindframe]

anyways. i swore i was gonna post some poetry.. and didnt.

ima punk.. well na na.. im shy. idk if im ready to open that out to tha world...

or 3 people.. who have access to my shit. idk. idk idk idk... i never kno... but i kno i didnt want that.

---im fuckin up my life. I KNOW THIS.

how to unfuck it?? ... i kinda kno.. not completely yet.
jus got back to atl hoe. hmmmz. idk. if i was ready to come backk... but mayb i need to be here. shit who knos. jus wanna be tha best me i can be.. womp. andd i feel like im losing friends.. the few i already have... i hate when shit happens. andd people grow apart. bcuz in my life it usually goes..

friends.

best friends

so close friends is family.

[ hazy'ness ( i kno it isnt spelled right) of our friendship]

then distance.


thenn later on some rumor about how im a sucky friend and a bad influence.

?? i guess i am?

idk.. im really jus rambling in this post.


i wonder how many times i put --idk-- (eye-dee-cay) in this post. a bunch.


--i wanna kno how im a bad influence. && i wanna kno why im SOO "unapproachable".

am i.....?

-- ugly? naaa im pretty straight.. goregous wheneva i wanna get unfuturistic (brush my hair) and jump out those chuck taylors. but i ♥ my chucks to tha deaf. so i remain ms FRESH.. lol ya boyfriends bestfriend BITCHHHEESSS lol

-- bitch? naa i like to consider myself an asshole. i wasn blessed with graceee or a mild tongue especially when i see some ol ignant shit..
-- a sucky friend?? i dont think so. but who knosss. still rydin dolo.

lookin for my mob fam.. im prolly a few years too late.

--a bad influence? haha idk i feel likee you make your own decisions. && i dont promote self hate. i dont promote stupid shit eitha. so idk.

--unapproachable?? ive been told.. cause im tall? idk cant help that.. im sure i mean mug when i walk.. but idk.. i blame tha sunn orrr a headache orr thinkin too much. too real?? lol prolly. stupid bitches

whadeva whadeva;;

i digress..

i been makin so many effin moves it dont make any sense. but im all about tha mighty dolla. and keepin it movin is THEE million dolla motto.

plus im lookin for something... idk.. reminds me off this quotee by james thurber

" all men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, to, and why."

i just want my rock.

that one who makes me feel extra special

beyondd the special i already kno i am.. ya knoo?

just a young man.. who make me feel like a young woman.

however..

im not feelin up to par. at least not on my usual shit.

soo i aint attractin nun but ol sideways, dirt ASS niggas.

slight problem.

anyways.

my heart hurt. and laughter is the only thing keepin me goin.

and shit aint funy unless im on this purp... vicious cycle.

"......Well Thank You Very Much $ Fuckin My Life Up J#&%$*! T&^%$*" --signed EX boyfriend

so. i decided to do a lil summer cleaning.. im half way through the age of [20] still feeling likee i got excess BAGGAGE from shit i dont even fuck with anymore.. so on this cleansing tip.. im jus twistin up these loose ends like a swisherr.. settin that shit on fire.

[i aint burn bridges until now]. smh..

anyways--

i go to my much neglected myspace. smh idk ... it was too surreal. inboxx was full of over [2000] OLD msgs. from OLD friends OLD potential & OLD parties.. AND now [0] zip zero nada

anyways the point was--- my inbox said. [7] msgs. meaning i aint read some shit.

-- so now while im deleting.. im sittin here dying to read wha i havent read.

delete.

delete.

delete.

- damn that curiosity.

&& low n behold what i find.

ignored msgs from a "scorned" EX boyfriend. that i havent spoken too in at least a year. and havent myspaced in at least[2].

-- im not gonna go into tha depths of this dysfunktional relationship.. however [2] things came about whilst <<<>> reading those last 7 hate filled msgs.

1. the [re]realization that I AM and WILL ALWAYS be ME.

----- simple huh?

2. words, words, words, aha at least 3 poems shat themselves out my mouth.

---- gross i know but shit.. idk any otha way to say it.

the end

[[ wit twin.. so im out]

poems next blogg

---pce

...

I'm a spoken word artist, a lover of words and music, and an expressor of emotions. Not too much drama is ever goin on in my life except the constant exchange of lovers... I know, that's a problem I need to fix but good God! Sidepieces can be soo delectable.. ha.

off to be a productive member of society.

pce

---mjfresh