thinkin to fuckin much

in my room.. super posted.

1. purp? -- check!
2. smartwater -- check!
3. the cruse of EVE on my uterus -- check!!
   

[ jus tryna get yall in my mindframe]

anyways. i swore i was gonna post some poetry.. and didnt.

ima punk.. well na na.. im shy. idk if im ready to open that out to tha world...

or 3 people.. who have access to my shit. idk. idk idk idk... i never kno... but i kno i didnt want that.

---im fuckin up my life. I KNOW THIS.

how to unfuck it?? ... i kinda kno.. not completely yet.
jus got back to atl hoe. hmmmz. idk. if i was ready to come backk... but mayb i need to be here. shit who knos. jus wanna be tha best me i can be.. womp. andd i feel like im losing friends.. the few i already have... i hate when shit happens. andd people grow apart. bcuz in my life it usually goes..

friends.

best friends

so close friends is family.

[ hazy'ness ( i kno it isnt spelled right) of our friendship]

then distance.


thenn later on some rumor about how im a sucky friend and a bad influence.

?? i guess i am?

idk.. im really jus rambling in this post.


i wonder how many times i put --idk-- (eye-dee-cay) in this post. a bunch.


--i wanna kno how im a bad influence. && i wanna kno why im SOO "unapproachable".

am i.....?

-- ugly? naaa im pretty straight.. goregous wheneva i wanna get unfuturistic (brush my hair) and jump out those chuck taylors. but i ♥ my chucks to tha deaf. so i remain ms FRESH.. lol ya boyfriends bestfriend BITCHHHEESSS lol

-- bitch? naa i like to consider myself an asshole. i wasn blessed with graceee or a mild tongue especially when i see some ol ignant shit..
-- a sucky friend?? i dont think so. but who knosss. still rydin dolo.

lookin for my mob fam.. im prolly a few years too late.

--a bad influence? haha idk i feel likee you make your own decisions. && i dont promote self hate. i dont promote stupid shit eitha. so idk.

--unapproachable?? ive been told.. cause im tall? idk cant help that.. im sure i mean mug when i walk.. but idk.. i blame tha sunn orrr a headache orr thinkin too much. too real?? lol prolly. stupid bitches

whadeva whadeva;;

i digress..

i been makin so many effin moves it dont make any sense. but im all about tha mighty dolla. and keepin it movin is THEE million dolla motto.

plus im lookin for something... idk.. reminds me off this quotee by james thurber

" all men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, to, and why."

i just want my rock.

that one who makes me feel extra special

beyondd the special i already kno i am.. ya knoo?

just a young man.. who make me feel like a young woman.

however..

im not feelin up to par. at least not on my usual shit.

soo i aint attractin nun but ol sideways, dirt ASS niggas.

slight problem.

anyways.

my heart hurt. and laughter is the only thing keepin me goin.

and shit aint funy unless im on this purp... vicious cycle.

"......Well Thank You Very Much $ Fuckin My Life Up J#&%$*! T&^%$*" --signed EX boyfriend

so. i decided to do a lil summer cleaning.. im half way through the age of [20] still feeling likee i got excess BAGGAGE from shit i dont even fuck with anymore.. so on this cleansing tip.. im jus twistin up these loose ends like a swisherr.. settin that shit on fire.

[i aint burn bridges until now]. smh..

anyways--

i go to my much neglected myspace. smh idk ... it was too surreal. inboxx was full of over [2000] OLD msgs. from OLD friends OLD potential & OLD parties.. AND now [0] zip zero nada

anyways the point was--- my inbox said. [7] msgs. meaning i aint read some shit.

-- so now while im deleting.. im sittin here dying to read wha i havent read.

delete.

delete.

delete.

- damn that curiosity.

&& low n behold what i find.

ignored msgs from a "scorned" EX boyfriend. that i havent spoken too in at least a year. and havent myspaced in at least[2].

-- im not gonna go into tha depths of this dysfunktional relationship.. however [2] things came about whilst <<<>> reading those last 7 hate filled msgs.

1. the [re]realization that I AM and WILL ALWAYS be ME.

----- simple huh?

2. words, words, words, aha at least 3 poems shat themselves out my mouth.

---- gross i know but shit.. idk any otha way to say it.

the end

[[ wit twin.. so im out]

poems next blogg

---pce

...

I'm a spoken word artist, a lover of words and music, and an expressor of emotions. Not too much drama is ever goin on in my life except the constant exchange of lovers... I know, that's a problem I need to fix but good God! Sidepieces can be soo delectable.. ha.

off to be a productive member of society.

pce

---mjfresh